I like to be liked and that’s a problem. Cause at the same time I am stubborn, opinionated and honest. Even if I didn’t believe that people should defend their values, I am too impulsive to shut up.
Today, I found myself torn between these two thoughts: should I behave like an average Georgian conformist or should I speak up and anger my boss? The case is, I was blamed for some minor thing—the other party lied—and when I tried to defend myself, my very important boss told me: “and you, you don’t say anything. I don’t like when people contradict me”. She left the room. I sat in shock. My coworkers stared at me. After conferring with my supervisor (who, as I found out, had already discussed the issue with our boss and confirmed my side of the story, but couldn’t reason with her either), I decided to let it go.
I really do not want stressful work setting. I don’t like conflicts. Generally, I find people to be reasonable, so why fight? I do engage in numerous debates and confrontations, because people usually are capable of talking with you without hating you!
My supervisor claims that if I bring up the issues, my boss will start yelling and will personally insult me. This could lead me to two options: 1. be yelled at and feel humiliated 2. Defend my self-esteem, swear at my boss and leave the job.
Have I mentioned that the girl before me resigned to save her dignity?
Further in my day, I got another proof that my rational explanation would be fruitless.
The result: I remain falsely accused; I feel sad, helpless and mad at myself. My boss is convinced that I am dishonest and possibly dumb. On the other hand, she’d think that no matter what I said.
Let’s see, what can I do? I know, I can complain on my blog and achieve nothing. Except maybe bore the readers. Oh well, now you can like me less. Cause I am a coward .
P.S. this really does not matter that much. But now I understand why most people in Georgia remain silent. Just…it never feels right to be like the most people in Georgia…
pic: me hiding and thinking