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Thursday, March 10, 2011

Conformity and Silence

I like to be liked and that’s a problem. Cause at the same time I am stubborn, opinionated and honest. Even if I didn’t believe that people should defend their values, I am too impulsive to shut up.

Today, I found myself torn between these two thoughts: should I behave like an average Georgian conformist or should I speak up and anger my boss? The case is, I was blamed for some minor thing—the other party lied—and when I tried to defend myself, my very important boss told me: “and you, you don’t say anything. I don’t like when people contradict me”. She left the room. I sat in shock. My coworkers stared at me. After conferring with my supervisor (who, as I found out, had already discussed the issue with our boss and confirmed my side of the story, but couldn’t reason with her either), I decided to let it go.

I really do not want stressful work setting. I don’t like conflicts. Generally, I find people to be reasonable, so why fight? I do engage in numerous debates and confrontations, because people usually are capable of talking with you without hating you!

My supervisor claims that if I bring up the issues, my boss will start yelling and will personally insult me. This could lead me to two options: 1. be yelled at and feel humiliated 2. Defend my self-esteem, swear at my boss and leave the job.

Have I mentioned that the girl before me resigned to save her dignity?

Further in my day, I got another proof that my rational explanation would be fruitless.

The result: I remain falsely accused; I feel sad, helpless and mad at myself. My boss is convinced that I am dishonest and possibly dumb. On the other hand, she’d think that no matter what I said.

Let’s see, what can I do? I know, I can complain on my blog and achieve nothing. Except maybe bore the readers. Oh well, now you can like me less. Cause I am a coward .

P.S. this really does not matter that much. But now I understand why most people in Georgia remain silent. Just…it never feels right to be like the most people in Georgia…

pic: me hiding and thinking


  1. Lika chemtvis dzalian aktualur temas sheexe exla. xom icnob chems kaxur sakciels?yoveltvis megona,rom mtavari simartlis gatana iko,manam sanam...megrels ar gavkevi colad:D ogond MARTLA!
    Chemma kmarma,romelic arc matyuaraa,arc tamashobs vinmestan,ubralod diplomatiuri unarebi da simshvidis shenarchunebis unari aqvs,martalia odnav,magram mainc shemagnebina,rom simartlis gatana yoveltvis gamarjvebas ar nishnavs.
    me mqonda erti egeti situacia:vmushaobdi ertert NGO-shi,(dzalian cnobilshi)sadac menejerad danishnes adamiani,romelsac miachnda,rom devnili bavshvebistvis stresis moxsnis savarjishoebi,gantvirtvis xelshemwyobi garemo ki ara, inglisuris swavla iko prioritetuli,warmoadgena ar hqonda,rom travmis shedegad bevri bavshvi sheidzleba hiperactiuradac ki ikceodes,matgan srul disciplinas moitxovda,proeqtic efecti aratu nuli,uaryofitic ki iko. xoda me avxti-davxti, pirdapir davupirispirdi da...momiwia samsaxuridan wamosvlac.
    xoda am qals shemwinaagmdegebeli agaravin yhavda,xoda ganagrdzo bolomde tavisi politikis gatareba.
    ismis kitxva:movige tu ara me chemi sakcieliT? cota lavirebis unari rom mkonoda mashin, ikneb sxvanairad gametana chemi mosazrebebi? amit xom ufro uketes sakmes gavaketebdi im ubeduri bavshvebistvis,vidre mxolod chemi chxubit da kamatit da shesabamisad samsaxuridan wamosvlit mivagwie?

  2. kaxur xasiats unda damewera:)))
    ar sheimchnio:D

  3. Dearest Lika, I don't quite understand your culture or your douche bag boss, but I do understand working stress, being wrongly accused, and being undervalued. You can't hide your fire. Be you. "to thine own self be true." You will have an internal battle with yourself until you stand up for yourself and be in an environment that allows you to be you. Personal theory based on experience... Maybe it is different for you. Either way, chin up :) You know who you are.

  4. There are moments when it's just better to let it go.. just not worth to get stressed. However, if a boss is not a complete asshole or dumb (which, unfortunately, is not inconceivable) then it's not a bad idea to have a face-to-face conversation (maybe over a pint of beer or even during work hours in boss' office) just to clarify the situation. People (especially bosses) generally don't like to be confronted publicly, but are surprisingly open in private conversations (diplomatic and polite emails can also do, with the starting text "I'm sorry for the confusion..").

    But if the issue at stake is really small, then you can just safely forget it and move on with your happy and exciting life!

  5. კეთილი იყო ჩემი მაუსი, კლავიატურა და აზრები ამ ბლოგზე ;)
    საინტერესო თემებია. წერაზე ხომ ყურადღებას აღარც გავამახვილებ, მანანას მოწაფეებს ამაზე ქება არ სჭირდებათ ;)
    ინგლისურს კარგად არ ვფლობ, ამიტომ ქართულად გწერ :) ქართველი ბოსები სხვის აზრებს არ იღებენ. თანამშრომლებიც კონფორმულები არიან...

  6. კომენტების ენა შეზღუდული არაა, თუ გნებათ, ფრანგულად წერეთ, უბრალოდ მე ვერ გავიგებ...
    ვაიმე, ამხელა რეაქციას არ ველოდი, მემგონი ყველას ტკივა ეს საკითხი.
    იცით, სამუშაო სპეციფიკიდან გამომდინარე და ქვეყნიდან გამომდინარე, ახალი ტიპის ბოსს გადავაწყდი.
    ყველა კულტურაშია ცუდი ბოსი, მაგრამ ისინი სხვანაირად ცუდები არიან...და იმ სხვანაირად სიცუდეს მშვენივრად ვერგები. აი ასეთ დამცირებას და პიროვნულ შეურაწყოფას კი--ვერა.

  7. არც უნდა ეგუებოდეს ადამიანი ასეთ ბოსებს, მაგრამ...ახლა ნოტომის "კრძალვითა და ცახცახით" გამახსენდა. იქ რომ უფროსი ფუბუკია! დიდი სიამოვნებით მეყოლებოდა მსგავსი, არა მთლად მსგავსიც არა :დდ

  8. Lik,
    last time my friend posted on her FB some complaints about her boss, she was fired in a moment. So my advice is not to discuss such things in such a public place. No matter what, it will influence everybody's attitude towards you even those that u feel are your friends ( i mean co-workers). And I dont know what to suggest. Being just silent is also not an option, but shouting out whatever u feel is unfortunetely punished and u dont feel any satisfaction after all. So the only thing u can do is find a golden bridge, something between your self and what that society expects from u to do. I dont know:((

  9. უბრალოდ დაიკიდე და დაივიწყე.. არაფერი მნიშვნელოვანი არ მომხდარა..

  10. pirvel rigshi, shen mdgomareobashi shevdivar, vici rogori gancdaa es.. :( me da chemi yopili "boss" - is dapirispireba yvirilit da tirilit damtavrda da 1 tvis mere samsaxuridan tsamovedi, me ar mighirda..
    sheni samsaxuris ambavi me da maikos gansakutrebulad gagvexarda sheni pirovnuli maxasiateblebidan gamomdinare, imitom rom "kargad" vicit ra xdeba Mand da vpiqrobdit,rom sheni daxmarebit situacia raghac mxriv mainc motsesrigdeboda.... exla kidev upro ashkara gixdeba, im Uprosis saxe chemtviss.
    Chven chamovalt da gverdshi amogidgebit tu shevdzelit, magram manamde, everything is up to you!!

  11. icit ratom ar caval am samsaxuridan?
    1. karg sakmes vaketeb
    2. dzaan magar gundshi vmushaob
    is kvelaze uprosi ki princpshi naklebad mexeba ra.aserom, davikidot