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Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Cheating Justified?

I wonder, if after reading this post my husband will wonder: “hmmm, why did she decide to write this?”

I want to challenge the notion of monogamy in general, especially in Georgia.

Let’s say the situation is standard Georgiana—she’s a virgin before she marries and he only has sex with older women he pays for. Or, if he has more money, Ukrainian girls he pays for. Either way, there is no steady sexual experience—you know, with one partner, when you get to learn and explore and discover new layers of decadence. Neither can you sleep around and search for your sexual identity—whatever that means. You finally pair up with a spouse, spend some time getting used to each other, start listening to your body, open up and…discover that you haven’t done this earlier, that you haven’t “experimented in college”, haven’t kissed the same sex person, haven’t had one night stands; you have never been stupid, never been “I can’t believe I slept with him”, “I don’t remember last night”, “did we really…?”

I already know of several instances when the partner opened up wife/husband and then he/she discovered dormant feelings, went ahead and tried “to find oneself”. This is extremely unfair to the partner that pointed out the forbidden fruit to the spouse, even described the delicious crunch of biting into it. Families fall apart, both parties feel treated unfair, chaos descends upon Tbilisi.

Where do I stand? Is it more justified to cheat here than in the countries where you can play around all you want until you consciously agree to commit? Do we really give an informed consent when we marry so early?

Life is about trading. For example, I exchange my time for my salary, my silence for social acceptance, my pain for waxed legs. I exchange my freedom for stability, my inner slut for reassurance that I will always have someone I can rely on, who respects me, who accepts me, who puts me first. On the scale of importance, on the scale of what matters more, playing around is less important than all the warmth I get in my relationship. I shudder from the thought of being without him. If I were alone, would I be happy? Not anymore.

Hence, for me, it is just not worth it. I am not even discussing pain, the burden of lie, the misplaced trust. That is another topic, it is a very serious topic and I am not sure I can put emotional aspect of it in words. I am not even sure how would I react to hubby cheating. I don’t know, cause there is nothing like that in my empirical experience. I can’t even hypothesize. I might get up and leave, I might jump out of the balcony, I might forgive, I don’t know.

The moral is: cheating is impulsive, bringing short-term satisfaction. Marriage, relationship, fulfilling monogamy gives you strength maybe even for a lifetime. It weighs more.

pic: Thai swans

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Do we need valentine’s day?

Do you know that St. Valentine actually died on February 14th? That we have been eating chocolates and exchanging cards to commemorate his hanging?

Do you know how many overprized cards, useless toys and chocolate is bought this day? How many girls are upset cause their boys couldn’t plan anything decent, how many pairs go to the noisy restaurants, where they can’t even hold a decent conversation?

How many stupid romantic comedies are released for this day? How many poor guys have to endure them without vomiting?

So I will sing along with Cher—IS IT WORTH IT?

What did I do for this Valentine’s Day? Hubby and I were in Kiev (in transit from Thailand), saw frozen Dnepr river, drank coffee in the cutest place and he got me beautiful flowers the next day (when we got back home). We held hands and rubbed our noses together. We were disgusting. :-)

When you are caught in a routine, when you prefer to watch Dr. House on a couch instead of clubbing in a sexy outfit, when much of your conversations revolve around your cat, when if he makes dinner you do the dishes and vice versa, you need a shaking up day!

Who cares if it is completely fabricated, if it is commercialized, if some companies get rich by selling us cards and bears?! It gives us the push, the kick in a butt to stand up and do something!

You know what? This collectualistic, ritualistic celebrations are all that we have left from the olden days when our ancestors used to dance around the fire and hoped that the smoke would reach the spirits in the sky. We need days to get us closer, both to each other and to the community. And though some sarcastic, leftist people will make fun of me, I am a part of this world, I am part of humankind, I have no desire to stand aside and live separately from my tribe. Yes, I like to be different, but also, I like the tribal connection. On February 14th, I like seeing pairs holding hands and to be one myself.

The hubby and I have all kinds of rituals. For example, when he comes home from work, I get our cat and he hugs me and the cat. We also celebrate the day of our 1st kiss, every month. Some anniversaries even have special names, like the Penguin day. We don’t need a special day to celebrate each other, but having one ensures that at least that day can’t be turned into a mundane we-love-couch. Sometimes I anticipate our kiss day for a week. Cause I know for sure, we won’t ruin it by commonplace practices.

Hence, after all, why shouldn’t we give each other flowers, if we really do like flowers? We don’t need special day to do it, but why can’t we do it on special day too? Sometimes we really do need to have mandatory fun. Otherwise, we won’t have any.

the pic: the postcard pic of hubby and me in thailand, 2 days before the valentine's. expect an exiting update post on that.

Thursday, February 3, 2011

The Battle of the Stalingrad

Last Friday I saw a play worth seeing. I recommend it to everyone, including my non-Georgian friends: it is subtitled.
I don't know, what should I call Rezo Gabriadze's piece. I never thought that puppet theatre could accomplish so much. I couldn't imagine puppets as emotional mediums...
Rezo Gabriadze is a very famous Georgian screen-writer, director and production designer. He is a man of big wit, humor, depth and taste. Recently, he designed a cute little tower by the puppet theatre on 26 Shavteli St. Every hour a little angel comes out and strikes a bell. Really, it's very awwwwww.
After seeing the angel, you should check out the play. Each puppet is handcrafted by Gabriadze and is an art piece. The beginning is especially impressive: we saw a faceless soldier digging out his war past from the sand. The first images stayed in our minds because we were not yet used to these artful puppets and every one of them surprised us. For example, a train made out of an iron bucket.
After a while, we got used to the beauty on the stage and we started taking in the story. It is very minimal. I would even say pretty conventional, story about war, disjointed images, longing, missing, death, love...however, puppets give it a new life, new breath, fresh meaining.
What will you see?
You will see series of images and mini-stories. You will see horses falling in low and ants talking with angels. You will see cars in the dark, humming and helmets marshing and marshing. Your eyes will feast on different artful puppets, some heavy, some light.
I admit that I became centimental. It was just another story about the war, love and death, but it still made me sad.
Or, maybe it was not just another story about the war, love and death...
P.S. pic is stolen from this website: God help my camera leave the state of coma, please!