I wonder, if after reading this post my husband will wonder: “hmmm, why did she decide to write this?”
I want to challenge the notion of monogamy in general, especially in Georgia.
Let’s say the situation is standard Georgiana—she’s a virgin before she marries and he only has sex with older women he pays for. Or, if he has more money, Ukrainian girls he pays for. Either way, there is no steady sexual experience—you know, with one partner, when you get to learn and explore and discover new layers of decadence. Neither can you sleep around and search for your sexual identity—whatever that means. You finally pair up with a spouse, spend some time getting used to each other, start listening to your body, open up and…discover that you haven’t done this earlier, that you haven’t “experimented in college”, haven’t kissed the same sex person, haven’t had one night stands; you have never been stupid, never been “I can’t believe I slept with him”, “I don’t remember last night”, “did we really…?”
I already know of several instances when the partner opened up wife/husband and then he/she discovered dormant feelings, went ahead and tried “to find oneself”. This is extremely unfair to the partner that pointed out the forbidden fruit to the spouse, even described the delicious crunch of biting into it. Families fall apart, both parties feel treated unfair, chaos descends upon Tbilisi.
Where do I stand? Is it more justified to cheat here than in the countries where you can play around all you want until you consciously agree to commit? Do we really give an informed consent when we marry so early?
Life is about trading. For example, I exchange my time for my salary, my silence for social acceptance, my pain for waxed legs. I exchange my freedom for stability, my inner slut for reassurance that I will always have someone I can rely on, who respects me, who accepts me, who puts me first. On the scale of importance, on the scale of what matters more, playing around is less important than all the warmth I get in my relationship. I shudder from the thought of being without him. If I were alone, would I be happy? Not anymore.
Hence, for me, it is just not worth it. I am not even discussing pain, the burden of lie, the misplaced trust. That is another topic, it is a very serious topic and I am not sure I can put emotional aspect of it in words. I am not even sure how would I react to hubby cheating. I don’t know, cause there is nothing like that in my empirical experience. I can’t even hypothesize. I might get up and leave, I might jump out of the balcony, I might forgive, I don’t know.
The moral is: cheating is impulsive, bringing short-term satisfaction. Marriage, relationship, fulfilling monogamy gives you strength maybe even for a lifetime. It weighs more.
pic: Thai swans