My Life on TV

All the sudden, I am on TV.

It’s pretty funny, considering that I don’t own a TV (OK, I have the actual screen, but it does not show anything. We use it for movies). I never thought that I would need to research Georgian TV and watch so much talk shows.

Several times now, I have rushed to the studio with numbers, facts, stories that I hummed under my breath while I sat in make-up room and then I didn’t get to say half of them.  

I have twice talked about gambling addiction, twice – about early marriage, once- homosexuality-is-not-a-disease and tomorrow I am going to talk about suicide.

Last week, as I was about to present live (answering question “are teenagers mentally and emotionally ready to get married?”) I realized why I like this position. I get a bit nervous. I get a bit exited. I boldly walk to the podium and try to control my voice and my posture (futile efforts, since I wore ridiculous-looking flowers on my head and it made me look silly and immature). It reminds me of my debate tournaments!

I have been involved in debate club since when I was young (7^th grade) till when I was too-old-for-this (M.A. years). Together with my perpetual partner and best friend, I have won two championships and multiple calculators that they awarded to the best speakers. Then too, I would feel thrill, walk and stand before the huge audience, inhale, exhale and present my case.

Sometimes I sucked so much, I would analyze my speech for weeks after the tournament. But it all comes with the experience, really. After years of practicing, we won more or less consistently.

TV is the same, only a bit more superficial. Not only do I have to research my topic, but also my outfit.

And just like debates, sometimes I say the stupidest things and then I go around for days thinking about it; unlike debates, where I had a clear audience in mind, the judges, here I find myself divided – do I appeal to my potential clients (which should be the point), my family, friends, or do I just need my hubby to say that I sounded professional?

Honestly, I think this TV mania will be over soon. I showed up as a new face- a live psychotherapist!- but these things go out of fashion so quickly, and I still lack substance. Because for the most part, I am talking based on nights of reading; I am not conducting important research, nor do I have years of work experience so far. I am honest and relaxed (usually) and I really like seating on the couches under bright lamps, but I feel like that is not enough yet. So, sooner or later they will get tired of my cutesy academic bullshit.

Until then, I am enjoying it very much, because we all know that I am attention-seeking, spotlight-loving, look-at-me-I-am-on-TV, superficial person.

And also, deep in my heart, I honestly believe that what I am saying matters.

… Sometime, when I grow older and wiser, I will look at all the mistakes that I am making now (really, those flowers!) and use TV as tribune to talk about things I deem important, complex things, controversial things, and make a little, maybe minuscule, contribution.

P.S. Me proving that homosexuality is not a disease on "Nanuka's Show"