Sunday, June 10, 2012
(Next passage was written two weeks ago) As I was administering SAT tests today, looking at the poor kids sweating through the hours of math and chemistry, I thought how long has it been since I've taken a test, read research or article, wrote an academic paper. Recently, I wrote an article for Identity mag (which no one read) and due to no time and the fact that I haven't written a paper in, let's see, 5 years, I failed to produce good work. Do you sometimes feel like college gives you some info and then you loose it, bit by bit, as you walk through your career? On the other hand, when you are in academic environment, you are forced to think, write, consider and reconsider. I almost want to take an SAT test, I almost want to take any test, to get good scores, to feel successful again, like I felt in school, in college, to feel that I am doing good,that I am doing really good, that I am not just a stupid assistant in a stupid project, that I am not replaceable. Damn, I need to take an online course or something! (next passage was written one week ago) after a week of this rant, the foreign coordinators of my project visited Tbilisi. I informed them that I was going to leave as soon as the current project is over. The next day they have requested a private talk with me. They offered me to be a partner to my manager, in salary and in position, for the next project. I was very flattered and uterly surprised (honestly, I thought they would offer me small raise and ask me to stay where I am ) and I requested for some time to think and explore the market. Thus, in nearest future I might stop being an assistant and I will have my own assistant :-) On the other hand, I don't want to stay here, political stuff, civil service, rules, stupid ways of doing things and making decisions, overall policy. I want to start afresh with new people, prove new points, show my long-lost sides,motivation, creativity. Also, if I stay in project administration now, most likely, I would not be able to change career, do something practical (once upon a time my M.A. diploma proclaimed that I was a neurpsychologist). I will be stuck managing projects and will have no real profession. But I don't know. I might get sold. After all, I was offered more than double of my current pay. I have time till October. New and exiting, or same old, only further on the career ladder? Just when I have decided that I am tired of it all, I have to rethink everything. I guess this is the test I have been asking. And I guess I passed the pre-test--I got the promotion offer. (Nest passage is being written now) Looks like I am whining and then bragging. Really, I am just lost. Oh, and I have to take care of this blog. No pics for two weeks, irregular length of posts, my other blog not updated...gotta get back to writing!