Sunday, February 19, 2012
Case of Mondays or Existential Thoughts Before Birthday
“I know it’s overwhelming, but what else can we do, get jobs in offices and wake-up for the morning commute?”, Ironically I usually listen to this song, MGMT’s Time to Pretend in marshurtka, on my way to work.
I asked my hubby yesterday, why was it that some people didn’t have to live this way? I had this song in mind. Being an awesome hubby he is, he guessed exactly what I meant and answered: “yes, but they die young”. Funny, the same song contains lyrics: “this is our decision to live fast and die young”, though hubby didn’t know it. Sometimes, the world communicates with us in a weird way.
This is an outline of my week: Monday –I am energetic and recharged after the weekend. The first half of the day I do more than I do in next two days combined. Tuesday—least favorite day of the week. Weekend energy wore off, I am stuck doing stupid things. Bored and tired, can’t wait to go to bed. Wednesday--it gets better, only two days left till the weekend. Stay up late watching shit on my comp. Thursday—I just have to live through today and tomorrow, today and tomorrow, today and tomorrow. Friday—if I work a lot, the day will end sooner. If I party on Friday evening, weekend gets longer. Saturday—I wake up at 1 P.M. stay in bed till 2. I can kill anyone who gets between me and my sleep. I feel like myself, doesn’t matter what I do, host guests, go out, spend all day in bed watching movies, clean the house, see my family, this is me, I identify with myself. Sunday—trying to do everything I’ve planned during the week but never got to do. Spend some time on FB, see what people are up to. After 6 I begin to feel depressed, I know that my freedom ends soon. I start little auto training… it’s going to be O.K., it’s going to be fine, I will live through it. I have case of Mondays on Sunday evening. Then I fight with sleep as long as I can, I go to sleep at 2, 3, maybe even 4, because if I fall asleep, the weekend is over.
This is how I live my life, day after day, I lose track of time, I feel like we had New Year just now, I can hardly believe that a whole month has passed and that it is my birthday already. I told hubby, ”do you understand that we spend 5 days out of 7 looking forward to the weekend?” He sighted. And he has a lot better job than I do.
The world does have funny way of communicating. I opened my friend’s blog today and he wrote about his existential crises too. My other friend commented on it, sharing her pain. Are we all drifting in this town, unhappy?
Often, I ask myself, did I gain more than I’ve lost at my job? Is it worth it?
It is; this extra income helps us be happy. We can afford New Year trips to Europe. We can change windows in our houses. We can install bar in our apartment. I swear, the one week I spent in Turkey last summer and in Europe this winter was worth all the frustration. For two weeks, we got to live fast without dying young.
So here I am, losing my college knowledge and enduring through mandatory bad years, in order to advance in my career. It is Thursday, just three hours left today and a whole day tomorrow, but when it’s over, god, when it’s over, I will have so much fun, cause this Saturday, I am having a spa day + posh nigh with my girlfriends and this Sunday, I am gathering my family. Cause it’s my birthday.
P.S. post written last Thursday. I had a wonderful weekend after this post. Here’s my Birthday Awards acceptance speech: thanx to my family for lovely chat over khinkali, thanx to my closest girls for being tolerant to each other’s cellulites-covered, not-yet-ready-for-the-summer bodies (we celebrated my aging in Turkish baths), and finally, the most important actor, the hubby, you made these two days beautiful, thanx 4 walking on thin ice with me (we literally walked on frozen Lisi Lake that weekend).
Oh, and there were 4 fb pages of b.d. wishes from digital friends. U guys are cool!
P.S.S. the pic: and yes, I am that old now.