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Sunday, January 8, 2012

Another Journey to Alternate Reality

January 3d. Time flies in a weird fashion. It goes slow and then it speeds up. I haven’t slept most of the night (late flight) and here I am at my work desk. I am sitting quietly, thankful for the fact that I can skip working for several minutes. But I shrivel at the thought that I still have to do something today.
I need to sleep, I need to sleep now, I need to put my head on a pillow and sleep. I am drowsy, I walk into furniture, I am not fine. I feel like I have a fever or something. Maybe I am sick.
This work, this stuff to do has accumulated during my week of vacation. I can’t, I can’t.
My body is slowly morphing into a chair. I am becoming a chair. I am a blue rotating chair. My head is on my desk. I am a desk. I am a brown rectangular desk. My particles mingle with the desk particles and I become brown too.
I want to be in bed and damn it, damn it, I have to pretend to work for 5 more hours. Or even worse, I might even work for 5 hours. I need to take a break, but I can’t get up.
Oh, these meaningless days after the holidays, when no one really wants to work and no one is doing anything, but there is stuff to do, so we are drifting in the air, we are pretending to do something, but no one is in the mood and everyone is sleepy.
Help me, help me, somebody help me.
I spent last week in Netherlands. I was standing in Amsterdam on New Year’s Eve, in Museum district, watching incredible fireworks. The day before I was in Belgium: Brussels and Bruges. Oh Bruges, Bruges, a medieval town in Belgium, where one walks around re-stating the phrase: “I know I'm awake but it feels like I'm in a dream, I know I'm awake but it feels like I'm in a dream”, the famous phrase from that cool film about Bruges. I know I'm awake but it feels like I'm in a dream. 1000 year-old buildings, old churches, old streets.
And Brussels, this little cute Brussels, with little pissing boy sculpture, with little chocolate shops all over the centre, mousetraps for tourists, huge Christmas tree on a main square surrounded by gothic buildings. Oh, I know I'm awake but it feels like I'm in a dream. And waffles, the Belgian waffles for 1 Euro, kill me, kill me now.
Netherlands, Netherlands!!!The land of freedom, a hippie country in Europe. How many times today I have pictured your canals, your flower markets, your special shops with special brownies. The trains that are always on time, the buildings adapted for everyone, costumes at the airport actually friendly (the only place in the world where customs smiled at me), oh Netherlands, I miss you so much!
How the three of us, my hubby, his brother and I, wandered around the Holland, from one town to another, from one canal to other, catching the on-time trains, so comfortable, so clean, so civilized. The cities and towns we have visited, hey Rotterdam, Amsterdam, Hague, Delpht, Uhtrecht, hey! I miss you, I miss your little streets, your cobble stones, your van Gogh museums, your free air and your acceptance. I miss your laid back attitude and happy people and most of all, I miss having extra time and extra money, being in control, deciding what I want to do today.

Oh, Netherlands. I will take my lunch break now and try to fight this dizziness. Or maybe not. Cause even now, I know I'm awake but it feels like I'm in a dream.

The pic: Bruges, Belgium. My hubby took it.

1 comment:

  1. I spent 2 years in that waking life mode, insomnia became my drug, so I am pretty familiar to what you felt, all I can say is: Welcome to this fucked-up weird, tripping world, enjoy your stay while you're here :)