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Sunday, November 20, 2011

Georgian Manual on Proper Use of Wife, Husband, Whores and Mistress

It is not a surprise for me that Georgian men cheat on their wives and it is considered normal. However, recently my very close friend encountered this problem and it became personal for the first time.
I will generalize once again and make hasty conclusions!
So, how do we operate?
On one hand we have a girl. Let’s say, Article #1. A WIFE MATERIAL.
Operation manual: marry and impregnate. Description: nice, tender, pleasant, pretty, feminine. Beware of the false product with the following labels: feisty, sexy, strong, opinionated, independent. Warrantee: virgin till marriage or return for free, minus the marriage costs. Maintenance: food, shelter. If necessary, give pocket money for girly stuff like clothing. No sexual satisfaction of wife material needed. Alert: if wife material tries to satisfy your perverted sexual fantasies—because any sexual activity without procreation is a sin—she is a whore. Return for free, minus the marriage and living costs.
Results: cleaning, cooking, children. Side effects: whining and nagging. Could be treated by ignoring or by gifts. Do not operate heavy machinery under the influence of nagging. Health hazard: her tears may cause discomfort; try avoiding them.
Article # 2.A HUSBAND MATERIAL. Operation manual: use as a money machine. Description: strong, manly, hard-working, protective. Guaranteed: some sexual experience before marriage. Experience gained most likely in a bordello--group visit with friends, or under wise guidance of an older cousin or uncle (not father). Maintenance: requires food, taking care of, clean and pressed clothes, babying, and providing sexual pleasure upon request. Alert: if a boy declines to go to prostitutes with his friends, washes dishes at home and does not wear black coat, he could be gay. Discard into the nearest trash bin immediately. Might be contagious.
Results: providing for the family, building a shelter, occasional emotional support, guarantees girl’s status of a married woman. Side effects: none and closed to discussion. Health hazards: brings venereal diseases from the prostitutes.
Article # 3. CHEAP WHORE. Operation manual: give money and fuck. Description: old, smelly, looks like one’s grandmother, has no soul, emotions or feelings (like any prostitute). Guaranteed: gives boy an opportunity to claim that he is sexually active. Maintenance: single-serve, no maintenance required. Results: worse-case scenario, feeling disgusted with oneself but bragging lies to friends. Best-case scenario: ejaculation and still bragging lies to friends (I made her do…). Side effects: Feeling of disgust. Bad taste in one’s mouth. Heath hazards: venereal diseases.
Article # 4. EXPENSIVE WHORE. Operation manual: give lot of money and fuck. Description: Slavic-looking, pretty, has no soul, emotions or feelings (like any prostitute). Guaranteed: actual pleasure from a sexual act. Maintenance: single-serve, no maintenance required. Results: ejaculation and bragging to friends about incredible stuff she did (I made her do…). Side effects: Feeling of disgust (maybe). Heath hazards: venereal diseases.
Article # 5. MISTRESS. Operation manual: give fake promises and fuck. Description: nice, sexy, obedient. Guaranteed: actual pleasure from a sexual act. Maintenance: one needs to make promises to leave one’s wife; providing occasional vacation trips. Results: sexual and emotional satisfaction. Side effects: if one is not creative, one can easily get lost in all the lies one tells the wife and the mistress. Requires too much conspiracy. Is more costly than a prostitute. Health hazards: might impregnate a mistress.

Warning: any deviance from the rules of the operation manual may lead to condemnation and consequent isolation from the mainstream Georgian society. The society is not responsible for any damage caused by improper use of the above-mentioned articles. Proceed at your own risk.
The pic: I asked my hubby to take a pic of underwear and this is what he came up with.


  1. I think the real whores here, although I admire your candor, are the men who use prostitutes, forced into sexual slavery in this corrupt economic system. They are the ones who continue to require supply for their demand, and Georgian men, among a litany of other "men", are the ones who demand this the most. I think your manual for men should therefore be tweaked to include man-whore and cheap and expensive whores should be changed to forcibly trafficked women. Good post aside form that

  2. @anonymus: i agree with u 100%. i wrote this manual as a joke on georgian stereotypes, god forbid people think i really view women as cheap and expensive whores!
    i am sorry if the irony got lost and if sounded like i am blaming prostitutes for cheating husbands!!!

  3. Hi,
    I disagree with you that prostitutes have "no soul, emotions or feelings", and here is the proof:


  4. hahahaaaa:)) likaaa it was soo cooool loved it:))

  5. o.k. people have to stop disagreeing with ironical statements...cause these statements are meant to condemn georgian making fun of them!!!!!!
    of course everyone has soul and emotions and feelings! the statement that prostitutes are soul-less is as invalid, as everything else in this text for example,it is completely wrong to think that "if wife material tries to satisfy your perverted sexual fantasies—because any sexual activity without procreation is a sin—she is a whore".

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  7. This is quiet refreshing, thank you. i am half georgian but live in New York currently, my sisters from Tbilisi ask me for iphones and don't talk much about the real life around them, I always feel there's some shit going on down under, nobody talks about, so thanks for bringing this up, appreciate the honesty. And sorry to hear about all the crap you gotta deal with... Would you like an iphone dear??? Juss kiddin..

    Good luck out there.


  8. its hilarious that people didn't see sarcasm in the post. good job Lika. loved it.