When I look out of the window at work, I see brick wall. It is discouraging. I look out to get distracted and can’t find anything to see.
Very often I feel like I am surrounded by brick walls. I get angry, I get upset, but I can’t change anything.
I am gradually loosing skills that I have listed in CV. It is getting harder to analyze, I am less passionate about my work, my leadership abilities are gone out of the window. Most of the days I focus on finishing short-term tasks and feel lucky if I cross items on a to-do list and at the same time, eat lunch and go home on time. Most of the days, five-minute tea is a luxury and an hour-long lunch—fantasy.
I can’t deal with ignorance, ambiguity, disrespect, total apathy. I can’t anymore. I feel that I am becoming ignorant, ambiguous, apathetic. Like this post--unfocused and all over the place.
Collaboration, partnership, those terms are unknown to us, at work and at home. I am lucky to have a safe refuge at home. I am very lucky.
Brick walls are everywhere and no one wants to help, no one cares. Everybody strictly does what they have to; they are busy, they are afraid. And if they cared, wanted, needed, now they just try to get through the day.
What? Am I exaggerating? When was the last time you felt thrilled, when you felt like you have accomplished something important?
I have discovered that for a while now, I care less about the issue that I am working to improve. I became used to it. I see the whole picture now and I have two choices: either I stop worrying about it and care less or I ruin my cardiovascular system.
So, you keep on going with no results. And the only thing you can see from your window is a brick wall.
Can this post get more pathetic? Oh, but it can! Check out the view from my window on the pic!