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Monday, December 27, 2010

Queer Theory

Last Friday I attended a discussion on the queer theory, in DRCAA (DRCCA?DDRCA? This name contains way too many letters).

I learned that the queer theory claims that norms, categorization, even the term LGBT are sources of discrimination. “We’re normal too”—is really validating the existence of an accepted norm and a desire to be a part of it, when in reality, there is no “normal sexuality”.

As I sat there, I've noticed was how different it felt to be in the LGBT community in Tbilisi. I sensed something unusual (queer?) in the air, dare I say conspiracy? Secret? Boldness? Thrill?

I remember, back in the States, my friend took me to a birthday party of her “gay husband”. Somehow, being the only girl among three dozens of gay men was more relaxing than being in DRCAA. I don’t mean to say that I was nervous or scared or something ridiculous like that. I was more…emotional? Exited? Unsettled? This shows how the whole social setting affects the way we perceive people, society and ourselves.

I took notes during the lecture, I was going to write more about the theory, but no, if anyone is interested, Internet is full of the relevant info. Personally, I believe that it is fundamentally right, but like any theory that sprang as an opposition to an established order, it falls into extremes. However, I took home something more important then the theory…

Conspiracy? Maybe. Boldness and thrill…admiration and respect. Because have you, my dear reader, ever had to oppose the whole world, when everyone screamed that you are, in your essence, in your core, either sick, perverted or dysfunctional? The last time I’ve experienced such admiration was during the disability awareness project, when I saw people fighting for basic rights, denying pity.

What can say? Do I have a right to say anything? I am white, I am straight, I am well-educated, I am girl ( well, at least I can complain about gender issues J), I went to a private school, I had a very accepting family, I love my husband. No matter what I say or write, no matter my empathy, no matter my indignation, I can never ache the pain of the people assembled at DRCAA that night. Boldness, in the air? You bet!

I am a disgustingly lucky, privileged SOB (Daughter Of B?). Nevertheless, I refuse to live in the country of hate, in the country of injustice, in the country of Pharisees and false prophets!

And if you think that all this hate is bypassing you because you happened to fit in—beware of the day you fall out of favor.

I don’t know what to do, how to help, how to be there for anyone who needs me (does anyone need me?). Everything is way too complicated in Tbilisi. But I refuse to live in this filth, in this hypocrisy, in this "don’t ask, don’t tell, if you tell, we will beat" you environment.

We all deserve better.


  1. Hm, I don't even have any comment. I do not agree that your feelings were coming from who you are compared to those in that meeting. I often had the same very feelings. It is about the ability to think through what you hear, when the information is not so important for your awareness but more for understanding.

  2. WOW, great post! Thank you! You are a great ally. :)

  3. i think that anyone claiming that they understand another person is a liar. unless you have a headache at the same time, you can't feel as bad as the person with a headache.
    empathy on the other's like when you take a feeling of another and you search for a similar feeling in yourself. and you want to avoid that mesianistic, looking from above, i am going to help you coz i am privileged, kinda way, you know, like in Avatar, a white man had to save the indigenous people. coz they just can't save themselves.
    anyway, i just wanted to show how this is complicated when things like sexuality are not taken matter-of-factly (coz we're in f***ing georgia) but have tons of other things piling up on them.
    also, can anyone please explain what does "information is not so important for your awareness but more for understanding" mean :-)? I tend to use awareness and understanding as synonyms.

  4. It is a good post about a bitter truth and cruel reality in Georgia. I am a Georgian women, but i disrespect Georgian society, due to their lack of tolerance to personal freedom, individuality or anything different, discrimination to sexual minority, women and so on.
    I also agree with you that "normal sexuality" does not exist here. It is a country of "sexually partial of fully-invalid people". "Sex" was taboo and "forbidden" during Soviet Union. The limitation caused the most of women's problems, partial frigidity and their lack of normal personal life in Georgia. Thank you, that you want to help others. Thank you, that you understand and feel this hard reality so well.
    I think, for many women and girls would be helpful to hear your understanding about the reality. Many of them even can not evaluate well or are confused and unsure, because they are inspired by wrong views and nobody answer to their questions correctly, if they have. If most of them had your and mine clear understanding of this reality, the wrong views in Georgian mentality would be changed soon.
    You wanted to help somebody and you have already helped me by your post, because i felt i am not alone again, who views the reality so. However, for most women maybe it is better to view in a "pink" color or be a "blind" when they have not means to escape from this country or have not psychological or/and financial strength to oppose the whole community and country.
    I do not know you "pasumonok", but i am sure you are a great person and would be glad to know you friendly. Thank you.

  5. იცი, რა არ მესმის? რატომ არ წერ ქართულად? ანუ როდესაც ამბობ რომ გაღელვებს მსგავსი პრობლემები და მათი მიზეზები ქართულ საზოგადოებაში უნდა ვეძებოთ გასაღები ჩემი აზრით უფრო ლოგიკური იქნებოდა ადრესატისთვის უფრო გასაგებ ენაზე დაგეწერა. ანუ, გამოდის რომ შენ წერ იმ ადამიანებისთვის რომლებმაც ისედაც ყველაფერი კარგად იციან და მათ "აღზრდა" აღარ სჭირდებათ. რეალურად კი არაფერი იცვლება.

  6. @Maia Tutberidze
    sheni posti ratomgac spam-ad chaitvala da axla amovagde ikidan...madlobt. me mjetra rom adre tu gvian sadme shevxdebit :-)
    1. kartulad 5 celia titkmis ar miceria da gadavechvie. adre kargad vcerdi, axla ver vaoatieb chems tavs gramatikul shecdomebs da gaumartav stils. kargad ki vegar vcer.
    2. bolo clebi inglisurad cera micevda da davamugame.
    3. xalxi, romelic blogebs stumrobs, inglisurad kitxulobs. sheidzleba ver cers, ver laparakobs (tumca umetesobam mshvenivrad icis inglisuri), magram cakitxulis shinaarsi esmis.
    4. mkavs bevri inglisurenovani mkitxveli
    5.minda mkondes "saertashoriso"(xaxaxa!) blogi
    6. ra enazec ar unda ikos chemi blogi, ar mgonia rom realurad rames shecvli. chemi mizani ar aris avgzardo adamianebi, me mascvalebeli ar var :-)
    7. minda viko sxvanairi.

  7. თუ არაფრის შეცვლად არ ცდილობ მაშინ არ უნდა აღშფოთდე როდესაც ქართულ საზოგადეობაში ჰომოფობებს, რასისტებს თუ ზოგადად "ბნელ" ადამიანებს იხილავ მომავალშიც.
    პატივისცემით, მე

  8. თან მასწავლებლობა არამგონია რამე შუაში იყოს, უბრალოდ მგონია რომ ნებისმიერი ადამიანი რომელსაც პრობლემები აწუხებს და საკუთარ თავს მეტნაკლებად პასუხმგებლიანად თვლის უნდა ცდილობდეს საზოგადოებაში რომელშიც ცხოვრობს გარკვეული დადებითი ცვლილება შეიტანოს და პროდუქტიული იყოს.

  9. define sazogadoeba.
    for me, dgveandeli chemi dzalauplebit, sazogadoeba aris xalxi chemns irgvliv. cvlilebebs vickeb chemi saxlit da gadamakvs megobrebshi. amaze mets axla ver shevdzleb.

  10. @Maia Tutberidze
    axla isev gdavikitxe sheni posti. Maia, I think it would be great to have like a girls club or something, where we could talk to girls and help them find their voice. for that reason, i wanted to become a couples'/marriage therapist: i am sure women would be the only one seeking advice and i would work with young women. unfortunately,getting such education is impossible in georgia. if you can think of a way to have a safe place for girls to discuss stuff, i would love to join in. i am attention whore and i love public speaking :-)

  11. ლიკა, საზოგადოება ამ შემთხვევაში ზოგადად თბილია და არა მხოლოდ ის წრე რომელშიც ტრიალებ.